We get injured, we get sick, we grow bored. And the motivating videos we watch, the inspiring running articles we read, the moving trails we run, are only perfect for a moment. Until something changes and we sit there wondering if running will ever be so perfect again.
Now this post, I've already decided, is likely meant for the lifestyle running addict like myself. But that's okay, we all must have something that keeps us living on that will help you relate to this article, whether running or not, right?
I'm at a point in life where running means just about everything. And by "running" I truly mean the lifestyle I live that includes running as a main piece. This lifestyle, for me, also includes rock climbing, camping, hiking, adventuring, my close "runner" friends, music that inspires me to run, good beer, and possibly some more pieces that fit together to create this absolutely perfect life I live.
Or not so perfect.
The image is perfect.
That one weekend rock climbing in July was perfect.
That one trail when the sun was setting and the breeze blew some leaves over my head was perfect.
That moment when I crested the ridge, exhausted and weighed down by my pack and saw a dark storm coming toward me with lightening was perfect.
That moment I heard the perfect song during a race and it brought me from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs was perfect.
That feeling that one time when I ran through the warm rain and was covered in mud from head to toe was perfect.
But sitting here with my nose running, lungs tight, and ears in pain is not perfect.
It just won't always be perfect and sometimes it mostly won't be perfect. And it will be really difficult to accept.
I hit a high point a few weeks ago, feeling better than I've ever felt as a runner. I began to feel better than ever a year ago when I fixed my iron and b12 deficiency. But I was not back to normal. I was still exhausted all the time, and very stressed out. I wondered if I had adrenal fatigue. Turns out I've had a viral/bacterial infection for the past 5 years or so, all beginning when I first had a nasty combination of mononucleosis and pneumonia. I got rid of that mono but the pneumonia, apparently, decided to stay.
Mycoplasma pneumoniae is the name. It's not full-blown pneumonia where you can't get out of bed. They call it "walking pneumonia". But don't take that name so lightly. It causes this horrible cough that is not subsided by coughing. And longterm, it can cause chronic fatigue and some other unpleasant symptoms. It is difficult to treat because of the structure of the cells. The following article parallels what my current doctor has explained to me about mycoplasma pneumoniae:
http://www.drgregemerson.com/fact-file/mycoplasma
Best points from the article:
- lack of cell wall causes resistance to many antibiotics
- cells burst causing disruption in blood flow to organs
- symptoms can persist for months
- fatigue, headaches, memory impairment, sleep disturbances, depression... yes to them all
- infections can be occult (dormant) until another bacteria, virus, parasite or stress activates it and causes the symptomatic phase
The doctor put me on antibiotics for a month and a half and I felt amazing. I had perfect run after perfect run after perfect run. I truly don't think it was just a placebo effect. Two weeks ago was my last antibiotic. A week and a half ago I noticed a tickle in my throat. I've been sick for the past 9 days. It might just be a normal cold. I sure hope so. But it feels just like all the other times I've been sick with this pneumonia. And my dreams have been crushed. Running at 10,000 ft. altitude this past weekend was terrible. More because of my crushed psyche than how terrible I felt. But still.
Running isn't always perfect. We're going to have perfect runs. And we're going to have horrible runs because the elements of a perfect moment aren't all lined up.
Chronic sickness can really cause chronic imperfect moments and chronic frustration and chronic anger. All of this chronic badness can cause a very happy person to suddenly face running or any life passion with a sour face.
When we're sick, we're all hoping for more perfect running moments. We need them. Because that's what keeps us coming back to running and this lifestyle, right? Those incredibly monumental stops in time when everything else disappears and suddenly the world and life makes sense as you pound down the gorgeous trail into the mist. Without that, what's the point?
If we're smart, we maintain more than one passion in this life. But either way, we all hope those perfect moments never stop coming.
